Always hoping
by maddaboutjew
Summary: SW:KOTR knights of the old republic. It had been two years...two years of drowning...two years of beating themselves up...but the way of the force is still unseen...
1. Solitary

            **A/N: **This is my second shot at fan fiction, and it's from a different perspective than my other one.  In this story, it uses a Female Revan, and it takes place long after the events of Star Forge.  I am sorry if I update less, but now I get to juggle two fictions. Here it is.

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Star Wars.

Always Hoping

Solitary

            The tall Dantooine grasses swayed to and fro in the gentle breezes, as the sun warmed her skin.  She could feel the cool, moist earth against her back.  The wind brought the faint scent of lilies from far, far away, and the grass rustled, almost musically as it danced in the wind.  The sun framed the far off trees as it shone brightly through its boughs and branches.  In her mind she could still hear him…his voice…and in her mind, she could still see his face.

            How long had it been now? One year?  Two years?  She had stopped counting, all the days just flooded into each other, and blurred together in a haze to where it was hard to tell them apart anymore.  Not that it mattered, really, knowing time did nothing for her; it changed nothing.  She was drowning herself.  Drowning herself in work, drowning herself in training, in study…and after two years, it had finally begun to take a toll on her.  She had gotten faster, smarter, wiser even, but it didn't take the dark circles under her eyes to tell you she hadn't been sleeping.  She hadn't really slept in two years.  There was a hole, a hole in her very soul-that no amount of training or study could ever fill, no matter how hard she tried.

            The sun was setting as she laid her back down on the grass, only to find a dark, elderly man staring down at her.

            "What are you doing out here?" he asked, "I didn't see you in the kitchen's all day.  I brought some food with me." He handed her some bread, which she denied herself.

            "No, it's ok, Jolee, I don't want it…

            "What?  Don't tell me you're on one of those damn diets all you young things have been so obsessed with lately."

            "No, I'm not that vain, I'm just…not hungry."

            "You said that the last time.  Do you ever eat anymore?"

            "Not so much…" she replied, "I just never feel very hungry…" she stated.

            They sat there on the plains in silence, the only sound coming from the wind as it whistled through the grasses.  The sun vanished from the sky, and disappeared beneath the horizon.  After a long and awkward silence, Jolee broke the tension.

            "This is about him, isn't it?"

            "About who?" she replied sharply.

            "You know who I'm talking about, Revan."

            She turned away from him, and made not a sound for several moments, as her throat seemed to have a knot in it.

            "Why would anything be about him?" she choked out.

            "Because you love him."

            "I do not love him, Jolee," she replied coldly, "I am a Jedi, love is a weakness, a window for the dark side to slip in."

            "You just can't keep doing this to yourself, Revan"

            "I can do whatever the hell I want!" she screamed at him, her voice echoing over the plains. She turned sharply, facing him head on.

            "I can…and I will…" Revan growled, her eyes burning.  Jolee sighed.

            "The council wants you, Revan," Jolee informed, "They need you to help teach at the academy…"

            "What?"

            "You've nearly read them all, Revan, all the books in the library, you may even know as much as I do," Jolee said sarcastically, "your skills with a light saber surpass the greatest masters.  I imagine they would want you to teach for these reasons."

            "Jolee, you know I don't use a light saber anymore."

            "Then show the little brats with a vibroblade, damn it, I don't care, Vandar will manage to talk you into it anyways."

            Revan laughed.  Though Master Vrook was a royal pain in the ass, Vandar could get her to do just about anything.  She didn't really know why, she just had so much respect for that wrinkly little dwarf.

            "Whatever."

            Jolee just sighed and walked away, back towards the enclave.  The stars had come out, and the dew had fallen.  She just sighed and let the darkness of the night wash over her.


	2. Nostalgia

A/N: Much thanks from every one who read my story, and more thanks to those awesome people who reviewed. I know my writing isn't the best, so thank you for you kind comments, and your constructive criticism. I like that just as much as a regular review, it helps me make the story better. I hope you like this next chapter. If you like this, check out my other knights of the old republic story, Out of the Darkness.  
  
Always Hoping  
  
Chapter 2: Nostalgia   
  
The cantina was loud and wild that night. Being as it was the only wet cantina on the ship, most soldiers fled there after the grueling training they had been subject to in the past few strenuous weeks. There was no doubt that the new recruits had been waiting for an opportunity to blow off some steam. A slap rang out as one of the young men continued to try coaxing a Twi'lek dancer out of her top. The new Bith band was a hit, though few were listening to the music, most were solely focused on the dancers, hypnotized by their movements, by the way their head-tails would swing behind them as they cast seductive glances at the men, while they talked them out of credit chips. In spite of all the commotion, and merriment, a man sat down at the bar, in a dark room at the back, alone. He looked exhausted, he looked tired, but it was a different look than the other soldiers, it was an exhaustion that didn't come from physical exertion, it was a fatigue that would never be removed by any amount of sleep. His eyes were downcast, his form slumped, and he had a roughish unkempt look about him, with stubble etched along his jaw line, and two locks of hair fell casually in his face. The bartender walked over to him and smiled cheerfully, while she dried out a glass with a soft, white cloth.  
  
"Same as always, Onasi?"  
  
"Something stronger tonight."  
  
"Ooooh...sounds rough, there, Admiral. I take it we'll finally be drinking to something new tonight, eh?"  
  
"Not new so much as an addition," he said, his voice rough and weary, as he raised his glass to the young bartender, "A pox on the Order!" and he quickly drained the contents in one hard gulp, wincing as it burned all the way down his throat.  
  
The barkeep set the glass she had been working on down on the bar between them. It now shone brightly under the dull lights of the bar. She poured some Corellian brandy, and passed a glass to the Admiral, and took a drink herself. She leaned against the bar and looked with interest at the man in front of her, a man who seemed full of secrets, a man who seemed solely focused on keeping people out, keeping people from seeing a part of him that wither he would admit to it or not, was still plaguing him, still hurting him.  
  
"So, Onasi, are you finally going to tell me more about this mystery girl?"  
  
He sighed, "That was the deal wasn't it? You'd stop pestering me at every waking moment, and I'd tell you something new every night." He retorted, a slight feeling of frustration evident in his voice, and a look of worry furrowed itself in his brow. "Where did I leave off last?"  
  
"Your task had been completed, the mission a success, and Maura Fable had returned alive."  
  
"Right-well, there was something that would prove to keep us from having the perfect holovid-ending," he responded, pausing a moment to gather his thoughts, and bridle his emotions, "She was a Jedi."  
  
"So?!"  
  
"Katrine, you aren't aware of the Jedi Code, are you?"  
  
"Carth Onasi, do I look like a bloody Jedi to you?" Kathrine shot back sarcastically. It was a joke, the young bartender was in the middle of her twenties, and was far from living the strait and narrow path of the righteous Jedi Order.  
  
"No, I don't suppose you would," he paused for a moment, to collect his thoughts, "A Jedi isn't allowed to love-in fact, they don't allow much of anything."  
  
"Not allowed to love? How is that possible? How can you not love? It's not like you can control love!"  
  
"They have rules-many, many rules..." Carth started.  
  
"And is one of those rules, 'thou shalt not have fun'?" Kathrine asked mockingly.  
  
"It's not funny," Carh reacted, "the life of a Jedi is one of sacrifice. Maura eventually leaned to accept the sacrifices that she, in turn felt like she had to make. As long as I live, I'll never forget it."  
  
The sun was setting on Mannan, washing the sky in thousands of shades of red, orange, violet. A pink blush crept around the sky, and a few clouds, tinted lightly in a blue shade, were drifting away. The still ocean was a giant mirror, still and calm, as the bright red sun disappeared beneath the horizon. The waters calm waves gently lapped at the complex, and could be heard over the peace of the afternoon, as the ocean world was submerged in dusk. It was so peaceful, but he should have seen then, that it was merely the calm before the storm.  
  
He had noticed that in the past few weeks she had began to wear her Jedi robes more and more often. He should have known something was wrong- she never wore those robes, not even when she was training on Dantooine. When the masters had forced her to wear them, she had always slipped out of them, and into something else the minute she was out of their sight. She had always hated them.  
  
"Who wears these things?" she had asked him once.  
  
"Apparently the Jedi," was all he had come up with.  
  
"But they're so damn ugly!" she had replied.  
  
She had hated everything about them. The way the material felt. The way the color seemed to match a bantha's backside. The way they fit, the way they smelled, everything about them. When he saw her wearing them that evening, he had just assumed she had finally broken down to the masters' constant hounding. She had asked him to meet her at an overlook in Ahto, and when he got her message he headed strait for the meeting place.  
  
He had just emerged from a corridor when he found her. She was standing there, facing the silvery glass that was the ocean; her feet placed in a meditative stance about shoulder-width apart, her arms folded respectfully behind her back. The setting sun etched a black silhouette on the ground behind her, a dark shadow that had been cast on the floor for an hour as she had stood there, meditating. Her hair was in a Twi'lek braid, she had always worn it that way to keep it out of her face, he had scarcely ever seen her wear it down in all the time that they had spent together. Even with her back to him, he knew her eyes were closed, and to anyone else, it would appear as if she was asleep. When she finally spoke, she didn't open her eyes, she never even turned around.  
  
"Carth..."she finally said, taking a deep breath.  
  
"What's on your mind?" he whispered into her ear softly, as he wrapped his arms around her, feeling the rough texture of the Jedi robes against his skin. She felt so stiff in his arms, so cold, and she quickly twisted away from him, her beautiful face a mask of Jedi tranquility. He would never know that at that very moment, the mask was breaking as the pain grew larger and larger, leaving her feeling shattered, as all her sorrow threatening to break through at any moment.  
  
"Carth, this has to stop..." she whispered.  
  
"Wh...what?"  
  
"I'm leaving, Carth. I'm sorry. I can't stay here any longer. I'm going back to the academy-they've rebuilt it. They lost so many, so much, when Malak attacked them, I can't stand by and let them fight this out alone."  
  
"Then let me go with you!"  
  
"We both know that would never work. They need me, Carth."  
  
"What about me? I need you! I love you, Maura! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"  
  
She closed her eyes; for fear that the tears welling up inside them would betray her. She took a deep breath and tried to clear her mind, but it was no use. She took a deep breath before trying to continue again.  
  
"You can't say that. What we have is a lie. We were living in the fantasy that this was possible, Carth, and we both know that this will never work out. We would only be damning ourselves to misery if we even tried."  
  
"Damn it, Maura! I just can't understand why you're doing this to us!"  
  
"I've made my choice, Carth. You have to stop being so selfish. The will of the force is greater than out desires, we have to follow it. I did not choose to walk this path-it chose me. I must follow faithfully, as a servant of the light..."  
  
"It's been the force only knows how long since I've seen or heard from her. I haven't gone a day with out thinking about her. But I didn't come here to remember, Kathrine, I came here to forget. Bring me another drink-something a little harder, this time."  
  
"But what about the what you said earlier-you said there was an addition?"  
  
"Let's just say that damn order...took someone else from me."  
  
"Who?" she asked curiously, as Carth took another drink.  
  
"I'm not going to talk about it."  
  
"But-"  
  
"No."  
  
"You can't just-"  
  
"Don't even try, Kathrine, I'm leaving." He said, downing the rest of his brandy and slapping some credit chips on the counter. He turned away and walked off, not looking back, for fear of Kathrine somehow convincing him to come back and tell her more information that was really, as usual, none of her business. As he walked out, he could hear a holovid someone was watching play the news.  
  
"...Jedi offering service to the Republic military training units, due to decrease in their combat skills. The Senate will vote soon on accepting this gracious offer..."  
  
"Damn the Jedi," he mumbled as he strode out the door. Thanks to:  
  
Prisoner 24601- Thanks a lot for your review, I love reviews, and I will try and keep a better handle on using clichés, I kind of got a little bit with it here, but keep looking out for me.   
  
Ozziegrl- thanks, its always nice to get reviews from you, you are always so nice to me! ::Sniff::  
  
Anonymous-cat  
  
Crystals-faerie Thank you for reviewing! You are the best!  
  
A/N: There may not actually be such a thing as Twi'lek braids, but my P/C had a French braid, and since there is no such thing as France in the Star Wars universe, I wondered what you would call it. I wore my hair French braided a while later, and thought it was kind of like the lekku (or head- tails, I think that's the right word) on a Twi'lek. Thus the usage. 


	3. Forfiet

**A/N:  **Hey! Here's the latest update. Thank you so much for the updates, I'm having a really rough time lately, I've been struggling with people that I'm forced to be around, and your reviews really brighten my day. Thank you.

Always Hoping

Chapter 3: Forfeit

            She sat there, nodding as the council argued and feuded, in a vain attempt to convince her.  The room was stuffy, and over the past few hours had gotten quite warm, and the robes that hung loosely on Revan's body had began to cling and stick to her flesh from the fresh perspiration that blanketed her body.  Her left leg had gone numb long ago from sitting in the musty room in the enclave all morning, and she had began to drown out all the ramblings of the ancient masters merely to a variety of different pitches and sounds, and trained herself to nod every now and then. She prayed that they wouldn't catch on to this brilliant scheme that Jolee had taught her.  She nodded as Vrook spat out in random pitches.

            "blah blah blah Revan blah blah teachers blah blah dead blah blah ungrateful."

            "Oh yes, Master Vrook, after giving up my life this order, I do consider myself very selfish."

            "Blah blah blah rude blah blah youth blah blah incompetent."

            "Yes, I agree Master, I am a foolish moron." she said, thinking that Vrook would probably benefit from an audience with HK-47.

            "Stop this pointless arguing, you must," Vandar croaked, "I will talk to Revan alone."

            No one argued.  No one dared question the word of the wrinkly old creature.  The masters got up, and quietly left the cramped room, mumbling silent bits of worry and concern as they shuffled out.  Master Vrook shot Revan an angry glare as he marched out.  Revan was trapped between the joy of seeing her least favorite person in such a huff, and the quail of knowing that her fight would soon be lost.  As soon as the last of the masters had disappeared out the door, she felt the last bit of hope flee with them.

            "We must discuss this issue, young Jedi."

            Revan sighed, "Master Vandar, you know I don't use my light saber anymore." She exclaimed gesturing to the light saber at her belt.  The clip had long sense grown rusty from lack of use.

            "Then you shall teach your lessons with a vibroblade."

            "Master Vandar, why do you wish for me to teach so badly?"

            Vandar looked at her sympathetically, as his giant ears drooped. "Worried about you, I am," he gurgled, "and the will of the force, it surely is."

            She sighed.  She had lost. "Very well, but only because of you, Master Vandar," she said, bowing low and respectfully, as a smile crept across Vandar's face, "I'll do it, ok? But only for a little while."  She stood up, straitened her robes, and left the room fussily.

            "Understand, you must," Vandar called after her, "that this is merely opening the door-where your path leads may surprise you."

_She was cold, freezing cold, and bitter, icy, dark water swept around her.  Her whole body began to seize up from the sub-zero temperatures, and she thrashed her arms and legs in a vain effort to stay above the water.  She was soon immersed in the freezing water, and her lungs began to burn from the lack of oxygen, and the water soon flooded them.  In a last attempt, she flung her arm through the surface of the water, breaking through to the warm air above.  She felt a hand grasp around her wrist, and pull her up.  She could feel the warm air rush into her lungs, and her vision began to clear, as the strong arm pulled her out, and her body left the cold torrents.  But she let go-she let go of the hand, she let go of her only chance, as her world was submerged in a cold wet blackness, as the light from the surface faded away…_

She snapped out bed, covered in a damp cold sweat.  She was panting, gasping for breath in gulps as if it was running away from her.  Her heart was pounding in her ears.  Bastilla burst into the room, looking pale and drenched in perspiration, her face a mask of fear.

            "Revan, what was that?" she whispered frantically.

            "I-I'm not sure…a nightmare…" Revan lied, turning sharply to the window.  The sun hadn't yet begun its climb into the Dantooine sky.

            "Does this have anything to do with-"

            "No!" Revan interrupted, "It doesn't.  In the name of the force, why is everyone on me about that?  I'm taking a shower-you should too.  The students arrived last night, so we'll likely start today."

            She had begun to put on her robes.  They were different than the robes she usually wore.  They were bigger, longer, with more layers, and more rules and steps to getting into them correctly.  They were even more uncomfortable, and they were the nastiest color she had ever seen.  They were twice as fancy, and twice as ridiculous.  As she was trying to layer on part of the robes, Bastilla came into her room, looking orderly and serene, she stood by the door and waited patiently.

            "Jedi Master Revan…Master Revan…Master Jedi Revan…nope, no matter how you say it, I still hate it." she muttered as she fumbled with a cord on the outer layer.

            "Why have you been making such a big deal out of this?  It's a great honor to teach these children, and it's the prefect way to pay a tribute for all the council has done for you.  And it's only until you find an apprentice."

            "What makes you even think I'm going to find an apprentice, Bastilla?"

            "Call it a hunch."

            "But I don't even like teaching Bastilla!" she whined, as Bastilla glared daggers at her. "I'm sorry, but if you think I'm going to call you 'Jedi Master Bastilla', you've got another thing coming." She joked as she continued her vain efforts to get into her robes.

            "It's these damn ceremonial robes…"

            "What?!"

            "Its these damn foolish ceremonial dress robes, I'm telling you, they're the reason so many great masters fall to the dark side.  It's as good a reason as any."

            "Just hurry up and get dressed, the ceremony is about to start!" Bastilla urged.  She was worried about Revan.  She had been having that dream over, and over, again, when she did get sleep.  Most of the time when Revan was found in her room, she was meditation.  She shrugged off her worry, and headed out the door.

            She was waiting in the classroom, leaning against the large marble wall that stretched up high into the vaulted ceiling over her head.  She tapped her foot against the floor and the sound reverberated and echoed through the room, as she waited patiently for her students to arrive.  She held a firm grip on the hilt of her vibroblade, as the tip rested on the floor.  She turned around to see the student flood into the room.  One in particular stood out-he looked strangely familiar.  He had dark hair, and bright eyes, eyes that reflected hope, she could sense that in him, but his eyes were ones that had seen betrayal.  She was almost certain she had seen him before, but she couldn't quite place where.  She shook the thought from her mind, as she strode into the center of the young pupils.

            "Welcome students, please take a seat," Revan announced, "I am here to teach you how to use your light saber.  When you become a padawan, your master will teach you the finer points.  As a Jedi, your light saber is your most prized possession.  It is your life, you safeguard, it marks you as what you are.  I will be instructing you for the next few weeks.  I am…" she continued, gagging mentally, and flinching slightly as she said it, " _Master _Revan, and I will help you along your journey to become a full member of this order."

            She sighed in relief; she had managed five minutes so far with out a catastrophic mistake, thus exceeding her own expectations.  _This is a bad idea, _she thought to herself, _and when this whole lot turns to the dark side and kills us all, they sure as hell better not point any fingers at me for doing a crappy job-they can just take that up with the council._

            "First, I would like for all of you to spread out, and draw your light sabers.  I'm going to check out your stance.  A key to fighting is a good stance-if your footing isn't right, and you have a bad balance, your enemy can knock you over.  You want to keep the advantage."

            The immense room was soon lit up with scores of glowing blades.  They held their weapons clumsily, and with a light jab to the side, several were knocked on their rears.  One much less coordinated Twi'lek boy started out holding his light saber upside-down. There was one boy however, in the back that stood out from the others.  His feet were firmly planted in the ground, at a proper length apart.  His hands firmly and surely grasped the hilt of his light saber-but that wasn't the most unique thing about him.  Surrounded by a sea of blues and greens, his saber blazed a bright orange.  She shook the intrigue from her mind, and continued around the room correcting as best she could.

            "Thank you for your efforts.  But do not be discouraged, young ones," she said stoically, "Every one of you, except maybe sunshine back there was doing something wrong."  She said, gesturing to the dark-haired boy in the back.

            She then turned and walked over to an old, rusty plasteel box.  She pushed a button, and many small, hovering droids flew out, and floated menacingly above each of the young Jedi hopefuls.  They seemed to look much like security droids, and would have passed for such if they hadn't started to shoot fiery red beams.

            "This is an exercise-the droids will try and shoot at you-deflect the blows."

            She watched as the students focused their attention on the blaster fire being pelted at them.  Most of them were successfully deflecting the fire, as the shots ricocheted off their blades, and flew off into the ceiling.  She heard a loud swear emit from the back of the room, where she found the boy flinching, and grasping at his arm in pain.  Revan walked over to him, and crouched down until she was at eye level with the boy.  Smiling weakly, she lightly placed her hand over the small wound on his arm, and closed her eyes, turning her mind into itself, putting herself into another state.  Feeling the force whip around her, she focused on its energy.  She could feel something-a tiny, weak thread reaching out to him.  She ignored this, and called upon the force to heal him.  The boy could feel his skin slowly knit itself back together.  She opened her eyes and looked down with hope.

            "Soon you will learn to heal yourself," she said with a weak smile, "Now tell me, sunshine, just what you're trying to do there."

            His face flushed a bright red, and his eyes reflected a sad cast of anguish.  He let out a loud sigh of disappointment, his hand was slippery with sweat, and his knuckles were white as he clenched the hilt of his light saber.  He looked back up at her in disappointment.

            "Damn it," he said, "no matter how hard I try and focus, I can't beat the fire.  I'm just not fast enough."

            "That's your problem, then, young one, you're too busy trying to see."

            "But Master, that doesn't make any sense!"

            "You're depending on your eyes-on your primal senses to try and deflect the blaster fire.  You're thinking like any smart young man would-but you're not just a young man, Sunshine, you're a Jedi-use the force!  Sometimes, your vision will be clouded; what you see may not always be the truth.  The truth is in the force," she enlightened, as she walked up behind him, and continued soothingly, "Block it out, just block everything else out, Sunshine—close your eyes if you have to.  Feel the force flowing through you.  Sense it, feel it coming from the droid before you, try and feel the shots before they are fired."

            He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and focused every bit of his mind, diving deep within himself.  He blocked out the wind, the murmur of the class, and he sound of the clashing of the blades against the blaster fire.  He could feel it-inside of him, a wind, a will, a power-weak, but it was there.  He could see the droid in front of him, not so much see it, as sense it.  It was a glow- a faint, pale glow.  It pulsated, and he lifted his saber to successfully deflect the shot.

            He could feel a pull, like a string, pulling him towards something, something that he could not see.  In this state, he saw a bright white light suddenly appear in front of him.  It swirled with an awesome power, a fearful power like a great typhoon on a stormy ocean on Mannan, blinding him.  In his alarm he snapped his eyes open to find Revan standing right in front of him.

            "Well done," Revan stated, "Are you quite alright?" He was staring up at her with a look of awestruck fear, had that swirling power, that amount of energy, had it come from her?

**A/N: **I tried to make this one longer-I hope ya liked it. Please read and review!!


	4. Duel

A/N: You may be able to tell what's going on in the story by now. Please review!!  
  
Always Hoping  
  
Chapter 4: Duel  
  
"Thanks again for helping me, Bastila," Revan said as they walked down the musty halls of the enclave.  
  
"Well, its not like I could say no," Bastila replied, her voice echoing down the corridor, "you've really jumped into this teaching thing. I'm still a little worried as to what we're going to do..."  
  
"It's simple—we're going to face off, have kind of a duel, or what have you. It's a demonstration, for the students." Revan explained, as they entered the large classroom filled with young Jedi. She smiled.  
  
"I'm very sorry for keeping all of you waiting. I explained all of this yesterday, correct?" Revan asked, and was answered by a nod from the students, "The first one to land a blow wins. Watch carefully, and try and pick up as much as you can."  
  
They stopped and faced each other. Revan closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, calling in the force to strengthen her. She could feel it whip around her, like a cyclone. Everyone stared at her in awe. The way she stood there with her vibro-blade drawn, so graceful, she seemed to almost float there. Bastila took a deep breath, brushed some loose hair out of her face, and drew her double bladed yellow light saber.  
  
"Start." Revan said calmly.  
  
Bastila charged her with all the strength she could call from with in herself, her blade flurrying so fast it looked as if it was a disk of golden light. Revan somersaulted over her, spinning on her landing foot to deal a hard blow. Bastila turned just in time to block the attack, locking the two blades halfway. Her face moist with perspiration, they paused for a mere instant, each of them waiting to see who would move first. Bastila made a swing for Revan's head. Revan ducked and then slid in between Bastila's legs. She then made a quick sweep behind Bastila's knees, knocking her to the ground. Bastila rolled quickly to her left to doge a blow. She was soaked with sweat, and tiring fast. Her motions were getting slower and slower. She lifted her hand up to attack Revan with a force push. Revan was thrown into the air backwards, but recovered quickly by turning a flip and landing on her hands, rolling directly into a back handspring, and alighting gracefully and tirelessly upon her feet.  
  
The students were enthralled by the display, but none were more amazed than the dark haired boy. 'She's so fast,' he thought, 'but she's not even breaking a sweat! What's she trying to prove?! Why is she holding back?'  
  
Revan waited, as Bastila rushed her again, her light saber spiraling in a blind flurry. Revan sprinted full speed at Bastila, but before she could strike, Revan jumped, landing a kick right in the center of Bastila's blade, knocking her to the ground. Revan quickly made a light swipe at Bastila's arm, and four beads of blood emerged from the shallow wound. The match was over.  
  
"That does it for today, class," Revan turned to the students, "remember what you learned today. You are dismissed, now go and use the force as frivolously as possible."  
  
Revan turned to Bastila and smiled as picked herself up off the ground, dusted herself off and tried to adjust her Jedi robes.  
  
"Good job today, Bastila."  
  
"Don't even start with that garbage, Revan," she fumed, "Why do you always do that? You could have beaten me blind folded!"  
  
"Yes, I probably could have, but just think about how embarrassing that would have been."  
  
"Master Revan," Bastila said softly, looking just over her shoulder and pointing, "it seems that you still have a student."  
  
"For the last time, Bastila, DO NOT call me master, it's enough that you call me Revan, isn't it?"  
  
Revan turned around and faced the student that still sat there in the floor after everyone else had left. It was the boy-the boy with the orange light saber-sunshine, she had called him. She had been watching him over the weeks, and he was very talented, and showed a great promise. Though she feared it, and wouldn't dare admit it, she felt drawn to this boy, and she worried that she may show favoritism. She turned to him and smiled.  
  
"Hello there. What's on your mind, sunshine?"  
  
"Master Revan, I noticed your fight with Master Bastila, that you only used a vibro blade. Why didn't you use your light saber?  
  
"I haven't drawn my light saber in about...well, two years, I suppose. There are many reasons why, and all of them are personal. They would only be a burden to you, sunshine."  
  
"Why do you keep calling me sunshine?" he spat back in frustration, a light red blush creeping across is cheeks.  
  
"Your light saber," she replied, pointing to his belt where it he had clipped it, "It's a bright orange, like the sun on Corisaunt. I used to have crystals like that in my light saber, many years back...he...he always called me sunshine because of them...until I took them out..."  
  
"Who did?"  
  
"Someone very, very, dear to me," she answered, a deep sadness lingering in her voice. He figured it would be best he drop the issue for the moment. They kept walking down the hallway.  
  
"I wish I was better with my light saber. When you were as bad as me when your first learned to use a light saber, Master?"  
  
"I don't know-I have no memory of it." Revan answered sadly.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I am Revan, the Jedi with no past. I never learned how to use a light saber, I only remembered." She replied, seeming distant.  
  
The boy just looked at her with a puzzled expression on his face. He was not following her, her words only confused him.  
"It's confusing, I admit," Revan replied, "but perhaps we can discuss this later, young padawan." Revan said calmly as she headed out towards the grove. Special Thanks To:  
  
Anonymous-cat  
  
Crystals-faerie  
  
Thanks for your reviews!! 


	5. A Long Awaited Guest

**A/N:** I am so very sorry for not updating in so long. I haven't been home; I was attending a Three-week long acting program. I will try to be more punctual with my updates.

Long Awaited Guest

            He continued to tidy up his quarters, picking up the scattered mess, and putting away the odds and ends.  He carefully stacked a pile of data pads on a small table that sat near a black leather couch.  He then made his way to his room, and looking in the mirror, began to straiten his collar, and smooth the wrinkles out of his clothes.  His eyes then did a final check of his entire living space.  He had hidden the stims and liquor well enough, but, knowing her, she would find them, and then he'd have a lot of explaining to do.  He scanned the room again.  It was clean-but was it clean enough?

            Carth then walked to the small kitchen area where he had started to prepare a small meal several hours ago.  He had planned the meal to be very special. Strictly organic-not the synthesized junk he was used to.  Hot steaming pots of various foods sat on the counter, sending a delicious scent through the room. Everything seemed well.

            He made his way back to the large black couch, and with a loud sigh, flopped down into it.  Carth's arms stretched out across the smooth chair's back, and he could feel the soft, supple leather beneath his fingertips. Queedle leather, perhaps-he didn't know, it had been a gift from some of his men a few months back.  It was a lot better than the last one-it had been a standard issue plasteel bench. He took another deep breath, feeling the air fill his lungs, as he expelled it, along with all that was weighing his mind.

            She was late.  But then again, she was always late.  However, with a schedule as crazy as hers, it was surprising that she managed to stop by as often as she did.  He looked down at his feet, hidden beneath his bantha leather boots.  His toes squirmed like Corillian silk worms, trapped in a tiny prison, as he tried to think back on a past visit.  She had been a week late, but it didn't matter-he was happy just to see his old friend.  He began to flip through some holovids, when he heard a call from the door.

            With the flip of a switch, the door opened with a woosh to reveal a young blue Twi'lek girl.  She was dressed in a black body suit that was completely covered in pockets.  She wore a pair of black boots, and was packing an overstuffed pregnant bag that was bulging at the seams, and threatening to rip apart at any second.  A large furry coat was slung over her right shoulder, and she wore a wide smile.

            "Didja miss me?" She asked, her face shining with happiness like a bright lamp. She immediately dropped all her things and threw her arms around Carth's neck.

            "Of course I did Mission!  It's been months!"

            "Yeah, I know, but I've had loads of assignments lately.  It's just like, outta nowhere; they just bombard me with mission after mission-I've been meaning to stop by here since forever!  Kinda ironic really-I guess it just goes with the name. But hey, that's the life of a republic scout!" she said with a wink.

            "Where exactly was the last assignment?" he asked, pointing at the huge furry coat on the floor.

            "Hoth." She replied, her eyes cold. "And I am _never_ going back." She said, crossing her arms over her breasts.

            "Coldest damn place I've ever been," he added, picking up her things carefully, and leading her in.

            "Got that right, Onasi.  But hey, all the crummy work landed me a lot of time off, so I figured that I'd just crash here with you for a while."

            "Fine by me, Mission, stay as long as you like.  Officer quarters are so big you'll have your own room." He started, as Mission Vao looked at him in both awe and disbelief.  He explained, "The officer quarters are made to be big enough for family members, which means, the whole damn place is empty."  He stopped for a moment, noticing the rashness in his voice. He continued,  "It must have been an incredibly long trip, here, you go on into the kitchen and get some food-I'll take this stuff to your room."

            He struggled under the weight of the bags, as he slowly staggered towards an empty room in the back of his quarters.  _It's been too long,_ he thought, _two months, I think, since the last time she stopped by.  Even then she only got to stay for a half an hour. Crazy kid-going off and signing with the republic as a scout right after we finished with Star Forge.  She is the best damn scout the Republic has in its entire service._

He returned to the kitchen to find Mission munching on a roll, with her chair leaned back against the wall.  The collar of her body suit was unbuttoned. And her boots were cast aside on the floor like two black dead fish.

            "Soooo…" she tried to start casually, "Have ya heard anything from Dustil?"

            "Not anything since he took off," he answered, sitting down in a huff, "How's everyone else?" he asked, in futile attempt to change the subject.

            "Well, as you know, Big Z went back to take care of all the wookies.  They kicked Czerka outta there for good.  In fact, they let very few "outsiders" even dock on the planet." She said, taking another bite of her roll.  She paused, and flicked through her memory as if it were a giant file, searching for the information that was there, and tried to remember what she had told him, and any bit of new knowledge she had picked up along the way.

            "Canderous is back doing merc work-the Republic's hired him now.  Kinda ironic, isn't it? A Mandalorian working for the Republic?" she chuckled. "T3-M4 is just fine-I left him up on my ship. As for Juhani, Jolee, Bastilla, and HK-47, I haven't heard from any of them since I bumped into Juhani on Yavin 6. None of my assignments ever take me to Dantooine, and it is a great deal in the middle of nowhere."

            There was a pause.  "So then you haven't seen…"

            "No I haven't seen or heard from her any more since last time.  And the Hawk hasn't been spotted on a station or in as space port in two years-I've checked the books."

            Carth just stared off into the distance and took a drink.  Mission shifted her weight and shuffled the food around on her plate.  There was awkwardness between them, it hung in the air like a dark cloud, and was so thick that Mission could almost feel it. She swallowed hard and tried to change the subject.

            "So Carth, what's it like being in charge 'round here?"

            "Awful," He replied rubbing his temples, " no matter how hard we try to train these recruits, they learn nothing!  We might as well paint a bunch of damn targets on them!  I'm not sure what we're going to do." He finished, staring down into his glass, the amber liquid sloshing around in the bottom.

            "Relax, Onasi, for an old man, you sure worry a lot."

            "Relax? How the hell can you just say that?" His voice rose, "These men will die if they don't shape up!"

            "Someone once told me that worrying is pointless-things always turn out right in the end, we only have to let destiny run its course…"

            "Yeah? And what idiot told you that, kid?"

            A fire flickered in Mission's eye, "A Jedi." She stated, her voice cutting like a knife, "And the wisest woman I have ever met-"

            "There's your problem!" He cut her off, slamming his drink down on the table. "It's just a load of Jedi garbage!"

            Mission rose from her seat, and stretched her arms back, releasing a great yawn.  She turned on her heel sharply, and sauntered towards the refresher units.

            "Where are you going?"

            "To take a hot shower," she shot back, "Hoth leaves a cold that just gets under your skin…"

            "Why did they send you to that God-forsaken planet anyways?"

            "They're looking for a location for a secret base, and Hoth seems about as secret as you can get," she said, looking over her shoulder, "Hey, I think it'd work-who'd think to look in a place like that? Still, I don't see it happening anytime soon-things would have to get pretty drastic."

            She then Turned and headed to the refresher, and Carth was left alone again.

**_SPECIAL THANKS TO:_**

Stupid-gizka 

**Redhead Ruth**

**Jakie Almasy**

**Debbie-1-9**

**arrowmaker**

**ozziegrl**

**anonymous-cat**

**f-15 eagle strike**

**Crystals-faerie**

**prisoner 24601**

Thank you so much for reviewing! You are so cool! You are the most awesome people ever!


	6. Padwan

            A/N: All right everybody, I guess that it's been so long chances are I've lost half my readers, but I don't care! This story is going to knock the crap out of my other one, which you should all read, and then, now here's the tricky part, guys, _then you review it!_ Yay! Reviews!

Always Hoping

Chapter 6: Padawan

She sat there trying to focus, but her mind was elsewhere.  Revan's mind had drifted-drifted all the way to the Ebon Hawk, back to the time, years ago when they were traveling to Tatooine.  One talk she had with Bastila stuck out of her mind.  Amongst the many conversations they had had, the arguments and squabbles, occasionally, a few wise words would come out of the stuck-up Jedi princess's mouth_. _

_ It was late; she hung on to the conscious world with the strongest mug of kaffa that she could make.  It was as black as vast space that surrounded them. She could feel the warmth of the drink radiate from the smooth surface of the cup, warming her hands as the steam danced up ward, washing her face in a warm mist.   Her had firmly gripped the mug as if it would run away from her if she dared let go.  She was sitting in a rickety old metal chair with her right leg pulled up, her foot on the edge of the seat, where she could easily rest her weary head against her knee.  The chair was cold against her bare foot, and through it's calloused sole she could feel the smooth, worn edges of its surface._

_            She had an oddly colored shawl wrapped around her shoulders.  A woman on Dantooine had given it to her.  In retrospect, it was obvious that the woman had once known her; the whole incident had been so utterly random.  The woman had approached herm tears spilling from her eyes, handed her the shawl, wrapped in brown paper, and then left.  It was knitted with some strange wool, and was warm, in spite of its rough and itchy texture.  Her shift had been over an hour ago, and yet she sat there in the commons late at night, staring holes through the table.  She been so zoned out that she hadn't even noticed Bastila approach._

_            "What is the matter, Maura?" She asked softly, sitting down on a chair across the table.  As she waited for an answer, her fingers tapped a metallic rhythm on the face of the table before crossing her hands over each other.  But she waited for a response that did not come. And so she continued to question._

_            "Maura, you might as well tell me, I can sense that something is wrong through the bond we share." She persuaded, with a cocked eyebrow._

_            "Damn the bond!" She had sworn, slamming her mug down with a great animosity, the mug bellowed out against the metallic durasteel table, threatening to shatter against the massive force of its impact. "Can I keep nothing from you?" a fir burned in her eyes, a fire that was threatening to break out and burn everything in its path._

_            Bastila turned in shock of the sudden out burst, pausing a moment to allow Maura to calm down. "What is wrong, Maura?  Let me share this burden that is weighing your heart.  Let me help you."_

_            Maura dropped her head immediately, looking deep, down into her mug.  She peered down into the cup, as if by not looking Bastila in the eyes, and staring down into the dark pool of kaffa, it would make her somehow disappear, as if it would hide her.  Maura's mask of strength, the mask that she had worn so long and so well, had cracked, and was breaking away slowly.  She closed her eyes tightly in a vain attempt to restrain the tears that were already spilling out of her eyes.  _

_            "Don't you see, Bastila?" She wept, "Don't you understand what is happening?  I'm sending them all to their deaths! All of them!  They are joining me on a journey to their graves!  They are not meant to follow me! Mission, Zalbar, Carth, Juhani, Jolee… This stupid mission will likely be the death of them! And yet they still follow blindly! Why are they doing this?  Why won't they just leave, and just live their damn lives? Why must they have to put themselves through all this shit?"  She cried, tears streaming down her face._

_            "Because," Bastila answered, " you can't do this alone.  They know that.  They help you because they know that.  To join you as they are is the highest sign of respect; Maura, don't you see that?  You have touched them all, helped them all make their lives a little better.  This is why they follow.  You have inspired us all to do the same. Can't you see that?"_

_            Maura wiped her face with the back of her arm as she fought back a sob. Her expression changed as she yelled hoarsely, "Then I wish I had never met them-any of them.  If I had never met them they wouldn't feel led to put their lives in such danger."_

_            Bastila's features were immediately washed in anger.  She slammed her fist down against the table. "You surely do not mean that.  I hope to the force you don't know what you're saying!  If you had not met us, Mission, Zalbar, Canderous and probably even Carth, would all be dead, left as only smoking corpses on Taris! Juhani would still be following the path to the dark side, Chundar would still be leading a tyrannical monarchy on Kashik, and Jolee would still be stuck in a hut in the middle of a forest!  Tell me, Maura, how in the name of the force can you think that our lives would be any better?"  She received no reply, only another sob._

_            "Maura, you must understand, all thing happen for a reason.  Destiny has laid a path before us, a path that regardless, we will follow.  You must know that every meeting, every passing, every person you meet, it is all for a purpose, all part of a much grander scheme…"_

            This conversation would always stand out in her mind until the day she died.  She thought back on it, she thought about how weak she had felt, how weak she had been… She was nothing like that now.  Now she was stronger, she had total control…but somehow, the more she locked emotions away, the more she felt like she was about to explode, about to overflow.  Sometimes, though she would never admit it to anyone, she would cry.  She would often weep for hours.

            She slowly forced herself out of her thoughts, out of her memories and back into reality.  She was in the new council room of the enclave, a large, musty room with a high, vaulted ceiling.  The room was filled with a dank odor. Light filtered in through the large skylight above.  She watched the dust motes swim through the air on the rays that came in to break the darkness of the corridor.  She began to refocus on what the ancient masters were saying.

            "Congratulations, Master Revan, the improvements on the students have been greater than ever.  You most certainly have greatly exceeded my expectations."  Master Vrook sneered, crossing his arms over his chest.

            "Statement: I could easily blast this pompous meat bag into dust, master…"

             Maura jumped up from where she was sitting. "HK-47, if you don't shut up right now, I swear I'll…"

            "Master Revan, Chosen a padawan, you have not." Interrupted the reminding voice of Master Vandar, just in time to prevent an escalating conflict.

            Revan smiled and immediately calmed down, and sat dawn on the cold marble floor, folding her legs under her.  Out of all the primeval Masters, no doubt Vandar was the kindest of them all.  She held by far the greatest respect for the little dwarf.

            "Yes Master Vandar," Revan commented, "but then again, that's why I'm here, right?"  She said smiling.

            "Wow, she's a clever one isn't she?"

            "Jolee, if you don't shut up right now, I swear to you I'll give HK-47 that chance to blow something up that he's been waiting for." Revan threatened, seriousness dripping from her voice.

            "Point taken." He quickly shot back. The assault droid somehow looked sad by his change of heart.

            "But to return to the subject," Revan continued, "Yes, I do have a padawan in mind, actually."

            "And who would that be?" Master Zhar questioned.

            "The boy…the boy with the orange light saber."  To this answer, the council began to whisper to one another, the room was filled with a low murmur.  Revan was surprised at the response. 

            "Why have you chosen this boy?" one of the masters asked.

            Revan's face looked puzzled, perplexed even. "To be honest, I'm not really sure why I have chosen him.  I just feel…drawn to him."

            "I disapprove!" Vrook bellowed, standing up angrily, "After all this boy is-"

            "-Very strong in the force." Vandar interrupted, "Drawn these two together, the force has.  So this boy will be Revan's Padawan."

            "But Vandar-"

            "All things happen for a reason, Master Vrook. Now we must watch as the will of the force unfolds."

            He remembered sitting in the cafeteria only the day before.  The room was filled with a low roar as the students scurried about all discussing whom they hoped and prayed would be their master.  Nearly everyone, especially the guys had their hopes set on master Revan or Bastila.  They were the youngest, and by far the most beautiful of all the Jedi masters.  Though Revan was stronger, many were torn between the two.  He had however, hoped with all is heart that Revan chose him.  Sure, Bastila was strong, and intelligent, and beautiful, but she lacked a…realness that he found in Master Revan.  When he looked into Revan's eyes he found a kind of…understanding that Bastila lacked.  There was also a great mystery about her-a mystery that surrounded her.  A mystery that he now stood a chance at uncovering.  She had this feeling of familiarity…almost as if they had met before…

            She awoke soaked in a cold sweat, her wet hair sticking to her face.  Her damp clothes clung to her body as she panted, gasping for air in gulps as if it were flooding out of the room.  She flung the blankets off the bed, where they hit the wall, and slid down to the floor in a crumpled heap.  She clambered out of bed, staggering about, gripping the wall, trying to balance herself as she nervously paced back and forth, in an effort to calm herself.  The door flew open, and Bastila rushed into the room, her eyes a look of fear and worry, her body damp with perspiration.  Her arms were wrapped around her waist, hugging herself.

            "It's that dream again-It's too frightening.  Revan, you must find a way to stop it before it drives you mad."

            Revan did not answer; she did not even acknowledge Bastila's presence.  She hobbled over to a neatly folded cloak, like a wounded animal, threw it over herself, and retreated to the grove.

            She sat in the grass, her eyes tightly closed, in a meditative state, taking deep, cleansing breaths, trying to calm the raging torrent inside of her.  But it was to no use.  That dream kept haunting her.  The dream…She knew what it meant, but what she couldn't figure out though, was how to stop it.  She tried to focus on the force, tried to focus her mind on it.  She could see it.  She felt it in the wind; saw it in the grass, the rocks, and in….

            "I'm surprised you managed to find me here," Revan whispered, opening her eyes.

            "To be honest, I'm surprised I found you here too," the boy answered.  He stood there on the hill before her, clad in apprentice robes.  What she would give to have her apprentice robes back…more comfortable, shorter, and less ridiculous…

            They remained there for a moment, in silence, just looking at each other, saying so much, without speaking a word.  The wind blew her dark brown hair, and it danced against her face.  Without even realizing it, she was calm, and her anxiety had fled.

            "Sit and meditate with me for a while," Revan instructed, gesturing to the ground.  The boy reluctantly obeyed, and sat cross-legged on the grass and focused his mind, clearing it of all thoughts and emotions, letting go of them, as they flew away like dust in the wind.  He sensed the force around him.  Somehow, this grove was so calming.

            Revan always came out to the grove.  It was an empowering place.  A calming place even.  It was no wonder why Juhani had fled her in her moment of darkness. This place held some kind of power.  She focused all her mind on the force.  She felt a strong aura from her young padawan.  His presence was so familiar, soothing even…

            Their meditation was soon broken as the young boys mind began to kick back in.  His thoughts returned to him, his doubts began to overpower him; he soon spoke out, breaking Revan out of meditation.

            "Master Revan," He began, almost regrettably, "I apologize for asking this, but why did you pick me?"

            "Young padawan, do you doubt yourself?" she asked him, looking shocked, "Don't.  I picked you because I felt drawn to you, Sunshine; I felt something in you call to me. Couldn't you feel it as well?  You are very talented, Sunshine, and I'm going to help you reach your prime.  I will aid you in becoming stable, intelligent, and stronger in the force.  I feel capable of this.  You should too."

            "Master Revan-"

            "-Please, just leave it at Revan," she corrected, with a nauseous look on her face, "the only people that call me 'master' are people I hate and Vandar."

            "Yes, I will do my best to remember that mas-um…Revan," he paused, correcting himself, and then asked, "You seem to be very close to Master Vandar.  Was he your old master?"

            "Maybe"

            "What do you mean maybe?  It's a yes or no question."

            "I told you-I don't know.  I am without a past."

            And they spoke not another word for the rest of the day.

A/N: Thank you for reading another chapter. I made this one extra long to make up for the last one.  If you reviewed, you're awesome. If you really like this story, will you please let me know? Or if you hate it, will you let me know? I don't care I like happy reviews as much as constructive criticism. So long as I know someone out there reads this.

**SPECIAL THANKS TO:**

**Ozziegrl**

**Arrowmaker**

**modernPonine**

**Jackie Almasy**

**All of these people have me on their favorite author's list, and make me feel very special!**


End file.
